Gift a smile.  I love these three words so much that I want to get a t-shirt made. Actually, I think I just might do that!   I’ve worn my “peace” sweatshirt so much that I think it’s time to switch things up. Also, Labeled to Lunderful is going into it’s third year this April and perhaps it’s time for a celebratory t -shirt?  Plus, I love t-shirts with a positive message, I buy them all the time and they have been the foundation of Brian’s wardrobe for the past decade. Ha! And lastly……I  think my blog needs a tagline and “gift a smile” couldn’t fit my message any better.  Ok, I just talked myself into it! In a few weeks you can bet you will see me wearing a new and simple message……#giftasmile. The power of this phrase was brought home to me when I read it in the beautiful and profound obituary my friend wrote for her daughter, her only child.  I consider myself a person who does try to smile at others but since the phrase has been used so poignantly I’ve really amped up my efforts in gifting a smile….to everyone. Even to people who are quizzically looking at me wondering if they know me. Outside of my autism world, I also work in retail so I surely see a lot. The crankier the person seems, the bigger smile they get. And guess what….It works!

The expression you give when your son finally takes a pic with you!

The past few weeks there has been traffic construction outside of my neighborhood. The delays could probably be viewed as a nuisance or an irritation to some but waiting to get in and out of my neighborhood has become the favorite part of my day. There are two men who direct traffic that have taken spreading  joy to a whole new level and they have inspired me to step up my game!  These men not only smile from ear to ear to every single passing car they also do all types of gestures. You cannot help but smile or laugh and be affected by them. So, of course to the embarrassment of some of my kids, I have done the same. I started with saluting them, to rolling  down my window and yelling “hi friend,” to learning one of their names and thanking him for making my day to finally dropping off cookies last week on a rainy afternoon.

My son Donny and I have discussed this at length. He enjoys these men very much and has learned a great deal about how the smallest gesture can truly change the trajectory of a day. I mentioned this concept before in a previous blog.  My new friend Elliot, one of the men I’m referring to, actually had a quick conversation with me a few days ago. I  told him how much his attitude is appreciated and how he has inspired me to do more. We share the same philosophy on the contagiousness of kindness. It’s easy, it’s free and, simply put, as human beings sharing this earth we owe it to each other. We are all in this lifetime together and should share the same concern for the well being of others but especially for “todays kids.”  I’m so happy we had our exchange when we did because it looks as though the project is over. I was eager to leave my neighborhood today to get a picture of him for this blog but the workers were all gone.  Total bummer.  It’s weird how disappointed I was. I guess I don’t need the picture to document the moment because the feeling he left me with will stay and that is more important. Elliot’s attitude has even inspired me to make some changes to Labeled to Lunderful. Look for my changes in my next post. Of  course I need Catie home for Spring Break to help me pull it all together! I’m excited though!

Back to “today’s kids.”  I’m worried.  Very worried. I see many lonely kids. I see it in my house, I see it my neighborhood and I hear about it in many schools across the country.  Kids not embraced by their peers, kids eating lunch alone and kids glued to social media to see what they’re excluded from. Kids sinking into depression and kids trying to manage extreme anxiety. We are adults, we are parents, we are teachers.  We have to do better.  Modeling compassion, empathy and kindness starts at home and needs to be continued throughout the educational process. I’ve learned that compassion can be taught. I’ve been a part of teaching it at various schools. I’ve talked to students who have been affected by these efforts and some have told me that they would be more proactive and in tune to others who may be struggling.   Small steps have the power to lead to bigger steps. It has to become a priority.

My number 1 son, I’m a proud mama

I’ve been talking a lot with my friends about this and I want to point something out that is terribly troublesome and something I have never written about.  What I know is not because of my education, or a conference I sat through or a podcast I listened to.  It’s from day to day life.  And when I say day to day I mean every single day. There is a population of kids in this world for whom no programs exist. Whose peers aren’t sure what to do with them. Kids who are apparently easy to ignore and exclude. My Brian by the grace of God is not one of them. He is firmly implanted in the autism spectrum.  I think because his needs are immediately visible he’s very much embraced and loved and a part of his surroundings. It’s one worry that I have taken off my plate and I am grateful.  He is not the population I am talking about. 
                                                                                 

The population I am talking about are the kids on the fringes.  They have one foot in the world of special needs because of a developmental or physical disability, and one foot in the world of their mainstream peers.  These kids are harder to understand and they are easy targets.   Because they are not so obviously at a disadvantage, their peers cut them no slack.  They are marginalized and isolated and lonely and they know it.   They desperately want to fit in, to have friends  — but making that happen is so hard.  And most of their mainstream peers – like typical teenagers – are not going to make the effort required to get to know and appreciate these kids.  It’s ironic to me because I know quite a few of these types of kids and they have so much friendship and loyalty to offer.  Having a disability puts you on the fringe but it’s not only kids with a disability that are on the fringe.  I am in no way an expert on this and don’t pretend to have all the answers but the answer is definitely not turning a blind eye. What I do know is that true kindness has the potential to go a very, very long way and in the best case scenario can have a trickle down effect just as the case with Elliot.  If everyone could try a little harder to understand, dig a little deeper in their hearts, care a little more about the outcome of actions and put themselves in others’ shoes we may slowly be able to make a difference in our culture.  I work at this and have pounded it into my kids heads but still I know more can be done.  I can remember kids on the fringe when I was growing up and I regret not doing more for them.  If you are reading this and thinking regretfully that you could’ve done more to be inclusive in the past it’s okay!  Today is a new day! That is the beauty of life, each day we are given a clean slate and have the capability of positively affecting someone.  With care, concern and collaboration I really feel we can make some progress and be a part of enriching someone’s life. It feels so good to do so. Be a friend to someone who needs one.  Give people a chance.  Gift a smile.  🙂

                                                                              

Donny and his friend Ryan