It’s interesting to me what gets us through times of high stress.  For me, it’s not meditation or exercise (I know those are the big ones), even though I’m sure either would be a better option for my overall health. My “go to” for stress relief is much more taxing — although very rewarding when completed.    At times when I just don’t know what to do and feel a frenzy brewing within,  I reach for my trusted friend……..my paint brush.  For the past 15 years, painting is how I cope with stress and escape reality.  One year when Donny was having a difficult time in middle school, I painted and repainted my kitchen three different colors of yellow.  Two summers ago, I painted 17 pieces of furniture during the month of July.  There have been many painting projects in between but these were the two that stand out to me the most. 

When Nikki was forced to come home from Brooklyn a month ago by Covid-19, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out we were embarking on crazy and stressful times. Catie was already home from college until at least September.  And then Brian’s school year abruptly ended.  Brian rigidly separates home from school, so trying to replicate school tasks at home is an almost impossible task. When I try to work on reading or math with him at home, he often gets so stressed that he bites his hands and the anxiety this brings on for him can last for hours. I was panicked because Brian loves school and I am completely dependent on it for structure and routine. So, predictably, to process the reality of the situation I  began to strip wallpaper — lots of it.  Then I headed to Sherwin Williams to stock up on supplies in case of store closure. With 5 gallons of paint and multiple brushes and rollers, I was ready to conquer the stress of sheltering at home. I was not ready to take on home schooling until I worked through some of my new stressors and from past experience this will do the trick. Admittedly, I painted myself into sheer exhaustion and the day after I completed my task and felt ready to take on the world, I started with a fever and was in bed for a week sick enough to be tested for Covid-19.  Thankfully, it was negative. 

In essence, I’ve self-isolated myself within our already self-isolated family.  Catie said to me at one point ….”Mom, you don’t come down stairs anymore.” Maybe I’ve gone overboard, but desperate times have made me desperate and painting is how I distract myself and feel like I am exerting a tiny piece of control. It wasn’t long before I distanced myself from social media either. It was flooded with game plans and schedules of moms with everything they were going to accomplish during this time.  I felt  very ill equipped to educate my son at home and my only goal was to keep him from biting his hands. 

And who takes care of Brian when I’m hunkered down with my paint brush? Everyone does. My girls are adults and back home and my husband is obviously working from home. Young Donny is not much of a care giver but pitches in if necessary. In his own words, which made me chuckle, he told me “mom, I’m doing what I do best.” Watching and analyzing movies.  

I’m happy to report that 6 weeks into the shutdown of 2020 my coping tactic got me through yet another traumatic event and we have developed a new normal.  Brian looks forward to seeing his teachers, therapists and friends online and each week we seem to add more to his schedule. This is not how I planned to spend autism awareness month but I’m pretty confident nobody spent the month of April doing what they thought they would do. The human brain never fails to fascinate me. The capabilities we have to adjust are a source of wonder. During my adult life I’ve had some extraordinary curveballs thrown at me that I didn’t think I could handle but, thanks to my paintbrush, the powers of processing and supportive family and friends, I have done just that.

Life isn’t #lunderful at the moment but within the chaos I have found many blessings to be counted and I sure hope you have too.  I hope you all have adapted and found some peace during this unsettling time. I’m okay with quarantining……because I can find lots more to paint. 🙂