Last weekend our two daughters left us after five months of a Covid-induced homecoming. Having them home for that long was a joy for me and my husband. Nikki had not been home for more than a 10-day stretch after moving to New York City three years ago. Catie’s spring break turned into an extended summer break. They were our primary source of distraction and companionship during these long strange months. They each have a deep bond with Brian and I really think their presence was the only reason Brian made it through the school closure. Not to mention their technical skills were the only way I made it through virtual meetings and lessons. The start of the hybrid school year will be interesting and challenging without them to say the least. If Brian doesn’t show up for class….it’s on me. Yes, I’m feeling the pressure.

The girls deep bond with Brian makes me wonder how he is processing their departure. After all, they were 100% part of his new normal and like a champ he adapted. How do things look from Brian’s eyes? A question I have asked myself time and time again. Both girls prepared him for several days, and both girls showered him with affectionate good byes when they left. Brian at those moments seemed anxious and I think long good byes do not sit well with him. He is filled with love and affection but not sentimentality. The key I think is the preparation. Once he knew a few weeks ago that the girls were leaving and his world was going to change again his mind began working up to the actual good bye. We have learned, many times the hard way, that springing anything on both of our sons at the last minute is a very, very bad move. Spontaneity does not work with them- consistency is not foolish it is vital. But we cannot know Brian’s take on the situation. He certainly knows he will see his sisters again and he certainly understands Catie is at college and Nikki moved away three years ago. Actually, it feels like he understands completely. He knows he gets to see his big sisters in blocks of time and he will take it. I think he took the last five months in stride and maximized his enjoyment with both girls being home. With the loss of school and routine he gained his best friends all day every day and that was worth celebrating and a reason to be thankful during this unusual time. His acceptance of the world as it is makes him a Saint or a Stoic: either way it reflects his strength and character in the face of the every moment reality that he cannot freely communicate in words his thoughts and feelings and opinions and wants and needs. But yet somehow there are times when we feel he communicates better than anyone we know.

So maybe my husband and I know all we need to know about how Brian sees and feels about the departure of his besties. He loves them and misses them but also treasures his time with them and he understands the situation. He has not been angry or irritable or anxious since they left- he is telling us loud and clear that he is good. And that is good enough.