I’ve been all over the place with my blog these past weeks. My personal goal was to deliver a meaningful post every 3 weeks and I’ve fallen short. I hate falling short. I couldn’t wait to share the details of my fun and rewarding visit to Mt. Lebanon High School talking to students about compassion and empathy but that will have to wait. Life got in the way and my energy level fizzled. So today I’m going a different route because of the unthinkable current event that took place in my hometown of Pittsburgh. 

Although I did not know any of the victims of the tragic shooting at The Tree of Life Synagogue, and although my heart goes out to the families and friends of all the victims, what I have read and heard about the Rosenthal brothers has struck a deep chord and affected me profoundly. As always, the lens I’m looking through is that of a special needs mom.

The loss of these two wonderful men and brothers is beyond comprehension. But learning about their lives and the Squirrel Hill community that embraced them is inspiring and somehow comforting to me in spite of the horror of what happened. Many decades ago a young woman gave birth to two special needs sons just like I have. I feel drawn to her and their family story just as I have with other families raising two children with some type of disability. Perhaps my greatest anxiety (and there are many) for my sons as time passes and they become young men is what adult life holds for them. This often overwhelming anxiety exists for parents of all special needs children. When your child is young, you are so consumed with getting the proper supports and navigating them through whatever school system they have entered. These tasks are so absorbing that you do not have the time to consider what is next. The only thing that makes my days run smoothly is just that….taking things day by day and not thinking about the future. Then one day, and it seems like out of nowhere, you are confronted with the fact that the first 20 years is only the beginning and actually the easy part. The greater challenge is how to ensure that their adult lives are meaningful, productive and rewarding. The essential element to this is finding a way to integrate them into a community that accepts and actually recognizes them as a peer, not some exception who needs pitied or patronized. Within that context, I was so moved by how these brothers lived their adult life and wish I could pick the brains of their support system to ensure the same for my sons. They were known and loved in their community. They participated in services every Saturday at the Tree of Life Synagogue. They were embraced as kind and loving individuals who had so much to offer. Their genetic condition did not define them in their community, rather they were defined by their beautiful personalities. In a nutshell….. this is what I dream of for my sons. The fear of not achieving this can feel like I am suffocating. It is what will bring me peace in my elderly years and what will finally allow me to tell myself…..well done.

Although I will never have the opportunity to meet Cecil and David Rosenthal and feel the positive energy their neighbors say they exuded, I feel the need to thank them for they have given me the greatest gift. They have gifted me with hope for the future for my sons and a renewed faith in humanity. Their story of love, success and acceptance got me through a very lonely and painful Halloween as my youngest son had no one but his parents to be with and we were forced to recover from an earlier unsettling incident. 

The Squirrel Hill community cannot be commended enough in my view. They are the model that one can only hope will be emulated as the process of inclusion of individuals with special needs that started within the last decades continues. I feel the same warmth at my local Giant Eagle grocery store as I see their commitment to the special needs community as well. I think as a special needs mom my radar is always up and I gravitate to these employees with conversation and friendliness just as I hope people do with my sons.

In my opinion, every person brings something to the table of life and every soul is special. Every special needs young adult deserves the supportive environment to flourish just like David and Cecil did. If it takes a village to raise a typical child than it takes that and much, much more to raise a child with special needs. Society is moving forward in this respect but there is a need for much more support, programs and compassion to help keep this train rolling. In the wake of this devastation we as a people can learn something.  Please chose to be a part of the solution and find a way to help enrich someone’s life. That is one way we can keep the memory of these fine men alive.